Saturday, September 7, 2013

Dream Number 1

"Making a decision to have a child - it's momentous.  
It is to decide forever to have your heart go outside your body."
~ Elizabeth Stone

For two of my female officemates, this week has been a pretty momentous one that will go down in the history books of their lives.  This week, they found out that there's a bun in their oven! :)

When I heard the news, I felt happy.  Overjoyed, even.  Especially for one of them who has been patiently waiting for the lil pea to come for two years now.  I felt how she must be feeling, the excitement of a would-be mommy.  I went to her and hugged her tight.  Her eyes spoke of an unmistakable elation, bliss which could never be expressed with words alone.

Rolly and I have been married for 10 months tomorrow, and we have been actively trying for me to conceive for 7 months already.  When there was no sign of a baby the month after we started trying, I felt very concerned.  We went to a doctor to get our reproductive functions tested, but the OB told us that it's way too early to be worried. Several months passed and much to my frustration, Aunt Flo (a.k.a. my monthly period) still hasn't missed a visit. We went to another OB and we were told exactly the same thing.  The doctor also explained that even under the most perfect conditions, only 1 out of 4 women conceive during the first 3 months of actively trying, 2 out of 4 within the succeeding 3 months, and so on.  Thus, it takes one full year or 12 months of "baby-dancing" to reach the 4 out of 4 possibility of conception for perfectly healthy couples.  After a year and Aunt Flo is still a guest (an unwelcome guest in my case), that's the time when the couple can get their reproductive system checked up.  This means 5 more months of trying and waiting for Rolly and me! :)

At times, I get paranoid.  

What if I will never bear a child?  What will happen to my motherhood dreams?  My life will be worthless and I will forever be unhappy.  

Thoughts like these run through my head.  Ever since I can remember, I have always known that I want to become a mommy someday. Perhaps because I am very fond of kids. As a matter of fact, I used to write that in my "what-do-you-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up articles in gradeschool.  This has always been my number one dream.  Not wealth, not a booming career.  But a family.  A happy family with a loving husband and wonderful kids.

You know what gives me peace in times like this when my head starts to go crazy?

It's my FAITH.  God knows more than I do how much I want to become a parent.  And He is not a selfish God.  He is a very generous God.  No father wants the heart of his child to be broken.  And Jesus knows He will break my heart if this dream of ours doesn't come true (what a brat, I knooow). That's why I am very certain that He will bless Rolly and me with children. That's what He promises me everyday whenever we pray.  When?  We don't know.  But our faith in Him includes faith in His timing.  When our little munchkin (this is how we call our unborn child) arrives, we know that the time can never be more perfect. :) We may not understand why, but the Lord always has His purpose. :) For now, we will just keep on trying, and we will never stop praying. :)

P.S.  I have a feeling that the Lord is sending the Little Munchkin to my womb this year. ;)  That's our makulet prayer every night.  I wish God will get exhausted from all our pangungulit and finally give in! Haha. :)  

Excited about God's promise, 

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